Every Desire is Given, Every Wish Is Granted

The Planet Ultra climbing camp in the beautiful Santa Monica Mountains was great. It was fun to see George Hincapie again. Fellow campers surely thought it was strange that he actually knew my name. He seems happy with his new BMC Racing Team. It was also amusing to watch the camp's ladies put a capital "C" in "Cougar." Every time the BMC squad was in a conference room eating or stretching, the old (like, almost as old as I am) girls were buzzing around the lobby and hallways like locusts. Now we're all back at work and the BMC boys are racing in the Tour of Qatar. Ah, the joys of youth and superior genes + endless training.
It's been a long two weeks since the camp. On the Tuesday after I got back, I came down with a cold. The mystical spirit armada called "Abraham" (in Esther & Jerry Hicks' book Ask and It Is Given) would have you think that it was my own fault that I got sick. Abe would say that I was either NOT thinking enough about myself being healthy, or I was thinking too much about NOT catching a cold. So, through the Law of Attraction (made so famous in the book and movie called The Secret) I made myself sick. I stand accused of CHOOSING to get sick. Well, I was having none of those thoughts and I have a different theory about why I caught a cold, but I won't bother explaining it because Abe is so old he doesn't even know what a virus is.
When I pause between salvos of phlegm missiles fired out of my lungs, I'm thinking completely healthy thoughts. I'm dreaming of climbing like Contador and flying like Fabian in the time trials. Since I finished the first phase of a research project I'm working on, I also read a little more in Ask and It is Given. (Yes, this diary entry is one in a long series studying this book.) The book is getting really good now, but there is a phrase that may cause the Tour de France race officials some concern. Since they're French and I'm American, they may try to use it as an excuse to DQ me from this year's Tour de France. Chapter 8 in the book is titled, "You are a Vibrational Transmitter and Receiver." If you followed last year's race, you know the officials toyed with having a day or two where the teams could not use their race radios to communicate with the cyclists. I'll need to read up on what they're planning this year and get my attorney to work on this one.
"But wait, there's more!" Chapter 10 starts out super-juicy. Abraham finally gets to the complex steps in achieving the book title's claims: (1) You ask. (2) The answer is given. (3) You "allow" the answer to happen by letting it in. Psha! If I knew it was that easy, I would have asked for 8 Tour de France victories and not just one. Abe goes on to say that every prayer is answered, every wish is granted, and every desire is given, but most people screw up on the 3^rd step because they don't tune the vibrational frequency of their being with the vibrational frequency of their desires.
Whatever. I didn't get greedy by asking for 8 tour victories quite yet. I decided to put Abraham's theory to the test on another short-term experiment like the poker game a couple weeks ago. This time I asked to have Eva Mendes come over to my house to cook a hot meal of Arroz congri, bringing along Keira Knightly Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johannson, Jessica Biel, and Katherine Heigl to make appetizers, desert, and drinks. I wouldn't drink before they got here…I learned from the poker game spiral. But once they got here I figured it would be OK to share some drinks with the girls.
Well, wouldn't you know it? I screwed up step 3. I didn't let them in. I figure they must have come over and rang the doorbell right when I went out on the deck to turn up the heat in the Jacuzzi!! I didn't hear the damn doorbell. And I can't hear Abraham saying "I told you so," but I'm sure Esther Hicks can.
Ugh! I hope I don't find a rule like "you can't make the same wish twice" in a later chapter. This wish is worth trying again. I even think my wife and kids would get a kick out of having these famous ladies over for some good ol' rice and beans. I'd just get Abe's spiritual help working over any rough edges with the missus.
I've learned my lessons well: (1) Don't consume alcohol until your wish is granted, and (2) Make sure you're within earshot of the doorbell when your wish is being granted so you can "let it in."

Practice Winning Today!

I've read the first five chapters of Ask and It is Given and learned that "There is nothing that you cannot be, do, or have." Rather than waiting to put this wisdom into practice [when I win the Tour de France in July], I'm going to win every other hand of poker with my buddies tonight. If I win EVERY hand, they wouldn't let me come back and play again next month, so let's just make it every other hand. Tee hee. Won't they be surprised!!

I've already begun my quest to tap fully into the Source Energy that will allow me "create my own reality" in little ways. Yesterday when I rode my bike up to Carlsbad and back, there were two traffic lights that often turn red when I'm passing through. I kept them green by thinking "Not in my universe! In my universe this light will stay green." I voiced that thought in a powerful Terminator tone and sure enough, the lights stayed green. Well actually, the second light turned yellow and was organgish/red by the time I finished sprinting through the intersection. But what the heck…green enough for my universe. I need practice sprinting anyway.

I just changed the "adult content" option on this blog/diary to "yes," because I'm not always the most patient person. I just might start using some nasty language if Abraham (the Spirit that author Esther Hicks channels) doesn't cut to the chase soon. I'm asking to win the 2010 Tour de France. That's this year, Abe babe. I'm also asking to have my net worth boosted to over one billion dollars. Oh yes, and tonight I would like to win every other hand of poker. Why do I have to read 305 pages to figure out exactly how to ask? And when should I expect my Pro Tour team invitation?

I'm going to use my poker winnings to publish a "self-help" book for people who write self-help books. (I categorize Ask and It is Given as a self-help book.) My book will be one page long, including the forward, introduction, and appendix. It will be called How to Write Self-Help Books Without Including All the Unnecessary Crap and Unrelated Stories. Of course I'm going to have to self-publish this book because no publisher will take it to the shelves for me. They'll say, "People can photocopy your whole book in two seconds!! Why do you think we make all our other published authors make their books so thick? It's so everybody has to buy one. Nobody will take the time to photocopy anything over 200 pages."

Well all righty. Before leaving blogland for the day, I better jot down a couple notes on what I've learned in the first five chapters. If I don't take notes as I read I might screw things up and finish 3^rd or 4^th in the Tour.

• In chapter 1, Abraham introduces himself. (What a polite spirit!)
  
• In chapter 2, he/it/they say that "most people are feeling unhappy about [their] unfulfilled desires." He doesn't quote his data source. I'm a market research guy. Normally I like to see references to studies when broad claims like that are made. Since he's a Source Energy Spirit thingy, I guess we'll have to give him a special exemption. Personally, I don't let my "unfulfilled desires" put a damper on my happiness from one day to the next. I'm generally pretty happy. In fact, I think getting some of my desires fulfilled could make me a very unhappy guy. I don't think Tiger Woods is happier now that he's had all his desires fulfilled.
  
• Chapter 2 also brought the first potential caveat to the cover's "ask and it is given" promise. Abraham says, "…this book is not being written to assist you in getting everything checked off your list, for we understand the impossible nature of that endeavor." Oh, great. Couldn't he have waited a few chapters before showing signs of mortal weakness? Spirits should at least be able to pretend that nothing is impossible. Ugh! I'm already glad I didn't pay for this book.
  
• There's great news by the time we get to chapter 3. "You are here to experience outrageous joy. That is why you are here." I like that. When you see me on TV and in the papers–the relatively unknown billionaire standing on the top step of the Tour de France podium this July–you will see the smile of someone who is outrageously joyful.
  
• OK, we're getting to the technical stuff in chapter 4. It says that I have not already gotten what I desire because I'm holding myself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of my desire. Having taken some quantum mechanics in engineering school, I have some appreciation of what Abraham might be getting at, but I guess I'll need to keep reading to get some specific help on how to fix my asynchronous vibration problem. He starts with a good simple tip: Resistant thoughts are the only disallowing factors involved. I'm resisting nothing. I may keep my wits about me, and I may not join any cults, but I'm WIDE OPEN to discovering the vibration of my desires.
  
• Oops…another potential crack in the foundation. Abraham later says that it is his/their desire that I become happy with "that which I am" and "that which I have." This feels like I'm being set up for a shell game of some sort just so I'll later say, "Wow, look! I actually just asked for what I already have…minus the couple hundred bucks I could spend on an Abraham-Hicks seminar." I was already happy with that which I am, I just don't normally say it in such a retarded fashion. And I'm going to keep taking notes just in case I need to retrace my steps and figure out where in this journey I lost my mind.
  
• In chapter 5, Abraham (Why do I feel like just calling him "The Dude?") says that by paying attention to the way we feel, we can fulfill our reason for being here. I'm pretty sure Abraham has never experienced a menstrual period. When a woman feels like killing someone at a certain time every month, Abraham shouldn't share his wisdom in such an irresponsible way. People could get seriously hurt.
  

I'll now begin today's affirmations: Win every other hand. Win every other hand. Act surprised. Win every other hand.

Starting my Tour de France Reading Regime

It's a quiet, cold Saturday morning outside. After several days of rain, it's also–finally–very sunny. Normally I would jump on the bike on a sunny Saturday morning, but this felt like the perfect time to brew a pot of coffee and finally start reading the book that is going to help me win this year's Tour de France (Ask and It is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks).

The book's forward is by a guy who's been on TV a lot. His name is Wayne Dyer. I read his book called Your Erroneous Zones when it was first published back in 1976. I was a senior in high school and I thought it had a lot of good thoughts on avoiding negative and useless thoughts, which high school kids have plenty of. High school kids also have pretty limited vocabularies, so some of my less-than-brilliant classmates assumed Wayne was talking about erogenous zones, so they would snicker when they saw my book. Anyway, Wayne wrote the forward to Ask and It is Given because Abraham asked him to. (Remember, Abraham is the spirit that Esther channels.)

My [generally irreverent] writing style may lead you to believe that I'm not expecting anything great out of this book. You would be wrong. I'm a big dreamer and a big believer in possibilities. I love cycling, and I dream of flying up hills faster than Alberto Contador can. I visualize riding again this fall with my buddy George Hincapie and dropping him on the climb up Paris Mountain. In the book's forward, Wayne Dyer gives me hope. He talks about Source Energy, which is apparently the highest/fastest energy in the universe. (When you see words like these capitalized, you know they must be important.) I really want to get out and ride today before the rain returns, but I need to stop writing, pause on the riding, and start reading again to figure out how to get some Source Energy into my water bottles and pumping in my veins.

I'll be REALLY bummed if WADA or the UCI adds "Source Energy" to their list of banned substances. I wonder how they'd test for it. I'm sure those clever French lab technicians will find a way, especially since I'm going to be yet another abominable American Tour de France winner.

2010 Tour de France Winner!

Up until now, a lot of people–including me–thought Alberto Contador would win the 2010 Tour de France. Others thought Andy Schleck might get lucky–and leverage his stronger team–to beat the weightless Spanish climbing sensation. And those of us who like to believe that old mean really do "rule" were hoping Lance Armstrong would pull a miracle out of his bionic butt to clobber both the skinny Euroboys.

But now the truth is known. I am the winner of the 2010 Tour de France. I have my good friend Louise¹ to thank for this. Just a week or so ago, she gave me the book by Esther and Jerry Hicks called Ask and It is Given / Learning to Manifest Your Desires. Well, without having read the first page, I'm asking. Please, pretty-please, I'd like to win this year's Tour de France. Done!

Of course I'm going to read the book. And (stealing an idea from my friend Lisa²) I will use what I learn from this book for a hearty round of mostly cycling-related diary³ entries. I won't reveal everything I learn. That would be stupid, because if by some chance some other cyclist has the same desires, they could read my tips and also win the 2010 Tour de France. The race officials would get so confused with two winners. They'd have to build a new podium and change so many things. Ugh…how do you say "big inconvenience" in French?

This is going to be great!! Let the reading begin. I'll probably have to train a lot, too. That's OK. I like riding my bike even more than I like reading.

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Footnotes:

1. The names of some people have been changed to help keep me out of trouble.

2. The names of some other people have not been changed because they aren't the sort of people to give me any trouble.

3. Yes, this is a diary. Nobody reads my blog. A blog without readers is a diary. But someday after I'm dead and gone, someone will discover this on the Internet and turn it into a best-selling book and movie. (Go for it.)