Friday, January 29, 2010

Training for my 2010 Tour de France Victory

I'm richer now, thanks to my vibrational magic helping me win more than usual in the monthly poker game. No, I did not win every other hand. As the evening wore on, I amazed my friends less and less with my luck. (I was unbelievably lucky for a while. Just to be clear, I don't really have any skills in poker.) Maybe beer interferes with the Source Energy that Abraham speaks of [through Esther Hicks]. I haven't found a customer service link to Abe the [recovering alcoholic] spirit, but I'm guessing that's what the problem was with my fleeting luck. I'll try again next month without the beer. I'm the designated driver next month anyway.

Enough already about the Source Energy test-drive on poker winnings. This weekend I'm getting down to the serious business of training for my Tour win. How ironic that the BMC Racing Team is here at the same hotel in Agoura Hills, training on the same hills I am. So we have–in one small space on the planet–the following amazing humans:

  • The current national champion (and friend) George Hincapie
  • The current world champion Cadel Evans
  • Last year's world champion Alessandro Ballan
  • The 2010 Tour de France winner Dan Goese

I guess I'm being set up by the Source Energy to be invited to join the team. Unfortunately, I don't know for sure that they are going to race in the Tour. Maybe if I wasn't putzing with my camera on the side of the road when they came up the hill, they would have been impressed with my current climbing speed. Perhaps not, since my current climbing speed is about half as fast as theirs. There's always tomorrow. (At least most of the time, and we don't hear much from those who don't have a tomorrow.)

I better get my sleep for some recuperation. Tomorrow's a longer day than today was, and I'll need to be a lot more impressive on the hills for BMC to ask me the big question.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Practice Winning Today!

I've read the first five chapters of Ask and It is Given and learned that "There is nothing that you cannot be, do, or have." Rather than waiting to put this wisdom into practice [when I win the Tour de France in July], I'm going to win every other hand of poker with my buddies tonight. If I win EVERY hand, they wouldn't let me come back and play again next month, so let's just make it every other hand. Tee hee. Won't they be surprised!!

I've already begun my quest to tap fully into the Source Energy that will allow me "create my own reality" in little ways. Yesterday when I rode my bike up to Carlsbad and back, there were two traffic lights that often turn red when I'm passing through. I kept them green by thinking "Not in my universe! In my universe this light will stay green." I voiced that thought in a powerful Terminator tone and sure enough, the lights stayed green. Well actually, the second light turned yellow and was organgish/red by the time I finished sprinting through the intersection. But what the heck…green enough for my universe. I need practice sprinting anyway.

I just changed the "adult content" option on this blog/diary to "yes," because I'm not always the most patient person. I just might start using some nasty language if Abraham (the Spirit that author Esther Hicks channels) doesn't cut to the chase soon. I'm asking to win the 2010 Tour de France. That's this year, Abe babe. I'm also asking to have my net worth boosted to over one billion dollars. Oh yes, and tonight I would like to win every other hand of poker. Why do I have to read 305 pages to figure out exactly how to ask? And when should I expect my Pro Tour team invitation?

I'm going to use my poker winnings to publish a "self-help" book for people who write self-help books. (I categorize Ask and It is Given as a self-help book.) My book will be one page long, including the forward, introduction, and appendix. It will be called How to Write Self-Help Books Without Including All the Unnecessary Crap and Unrelated Stories. Of course I'm going to have to self-publish this book because no publisher will take it to the shelves for me. They'll say, "People can photocopy your whole book in two seconds!! Why do you think we make all our other published authors make their books so thick? It's so everybody has to buy one. Nobody will take the time to photocopy anything over 200 pages."

Well all righty. Before leaving blogland for the day, I better jot down a couple notes on what I've learned in the first five chapters. If I don't take notes as I read I might screw things up and finish 3rd or 4th in the Tour.

  • In chapter 1, Abraham introduces himself. (What a polite spirit!)
  • In chapter 2, he/it/they say that "most people are feeling unhappy about [their] unfulfilled desires." He doesn't quote his data source. I'm a market research guy. Normally I like to see references to studies when broad claims like that are made. Since he's a Source Energy Spirit thingy, I guess we'll have to give him a special exemption. Personally, I don't let my "unfulfilled desires" put a damper on my happiness from one day to the next. I'm generally pretty happy. In fact, I think getting some of my desires fulfilled could make me a very unhappy guy. I don't think Tiger Woods is happier now that he's had all his desires fulfilled.
  • Chapter 2 also brought the first potential caveat to the cover's "ask and it is given" promise. Abraham says, "…this book is not being written to assist you in getting everything checked off your list, for we understand the impossible nature of that endeavor." Oh, great. Couldn't he have waited a few chapters before showing signs of mortal weakness? Spirits should at least be able to pretend that nothing is impossible. Ugh! I'm already glad I didn't pay for this book.
  • There's great news by the time we get to chapter 3. "You are here to experience outrageous joy. That is why you are here." I like that. When you see me on TV and in the papers–the relatively unknown billionaire standing on the top step of the Tour de France podium this July–you will see the smile of someone who is outrageously joyful.
  • OK, we're getting to the technical stuff in chapter 4. It says that I have not already gotten what I desire because I'm holding myself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of my desire. Having taken some quantum mechanics in engineering school, I have some appreciation of what Abraham might be getting at, but I guess I'll need to keep reading to get some specific help on how to fix my asynchronous vibration problem. He starts with a good simple tip: Resistant thoughts are the only disallowing factors involved. I'm resisting nothing. I may keep my wits about me, and I may not join any cults, but I'm WIDE OPEN to discovering the vibration of my desires.
  • Oops…another potential crack in the foundation. Abraham later says that it is his/their desire that I become happy with "that which I am" and "that which I have." This feels like I'm being set up for a shell game of some sort just so I'll later say, "Wow, look! I actually just asked for what I already have…minus the couple hundred bucks I could spend on an Abraham-Hicks seminar." I was already happy with that which I am, I just don't normally say it in such a retarded fashion. And I'm going to keep taking notes just in case I need to retrace my steps and figure out where in this journey I lost my mind.
  • In chapter 5, Abraham (Why do I feel like just calling him "The Dude?") says that by paying attention to the way we feel, we can fulfill our reason for being here. I'm pretty sure Abraham has never experienced a menstrual period. When a woman feels like killing someone at a certain time every month, Abraham shouldn't share his wisdom in such an irresponsible way. People could get seriously hurt.

I'll now begin today's affirmations: Win every other hand. Win every other hand. Act surprised. Win every other hand.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Starting my Tour de France Reading Regime

It's a quiet, cold Saturday morning outside. After several days of rain, it's also–finally–very sunny. Normally I would jump on the bike on a sunny Saturday morning, but this felt like the perfect time to brew a pot of coffee and finally start reading the book that is going to help me win this year's Tour de France (Ask and It is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks).

The book's forward is by a guy who's been on TV a lot. His name is Wayne Dyer. I read his book called Your Erroneous Zones when it was first published back in 1976. I was a senior in high school and I thought it had a lot of good thoughts on avoiding negative and useless thoughts, which high school kids have plenty of. High school kids also have pretty limited vocabularies, so some of my less-than-brilliant classmates assumed Wayne was talking about erogenous zones, so they would snicker when they saw my book. Anyway, Wayne wrote the forward to Ask and It is Given because Abraham asked him to. (Remember, Abraham is the spirit that Esther channels.)

My [generally irreverent] writing style may lead you to believe that I'm not expecting anything great out of this book. You would be wrong. I'm a big dreamer and a big believer in possibilities. I love cycling, and I dream of flying up hills faster than Alberto Contador can. I visualize riding again this fall with my buddy George Hincapie and dropping him on the climb up Paris Mountain. In the book's forward, Wayne Dyer gives me hope. He talks about Source Energy, which is apparently the highest/fastest energy in the universe. (When you see words like these capitalized, you know they must be important.) I really want to get out and ride today before the rain returns, but I need to stop writing, pause on the riding, and start reading again to figure out how to get some Source Energy into my water bottles and pumping in my veins.

I'll be REALLY bummed if WADA or the UCI adds "Source Energy" to their list of banned substances. I wonder how they'd test for it. I'm sure those clever French lab technicians will find a way, especially since I'm going to be yet another abominable American Tour de France winner.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Winning the Tour by Asking (Part 2)

I'm a reasonable person, so I understand if someone might sneer at my claim that I'm going to win the 2010 Tour de France. They might say something like, "Dan, you're 52 years old, and you're not even a strong racer for your age." But I know those skeptics simply haven't opened their eyes to the possibilities that come through the "Teachings of Abraham." You see, the book Ask and It is Given may have been written by Esther and Jerry Hicks, but this couple is just channeling the infinite wisdom of a spirit named Abraham. If I understand this correctly (and I'm sure I'll learn more as I read the book), "Abraham" is not the familiar biblical character. This is the name given by Esther Hicks to the source of what Esther Hicks says in her seminars.

As a marketing guy, I think this Abraham shtick is pretty cool. Apparently thousands of other people do, too, and they keep coming back for more. (My friend Louise has read all of Esther and Jerry's books of Abraham's teachings several times.) Most people hungry for followers go for the jugular: God. Lots of people will listen to a complete lunatic like Pat Robertson when he says he's speaking the Word of the Lord. Esther has taken a more humble approach, making up a dude nobody has ever heard of before. But this guy is every bit as creative as God was in the Old Testament. When I asked Louise about Abraham's perspective on charity, she said that Abraham says that we are all created equal, with the same opportunities. When we give to another soul, we are basically saying that they are not as good as we are…that they are less than equal, and not as happy as we are. (I guess this is some sort of crime against the soul, maybe?)

I decided to give this philosophy another nudge in light of the massive earthquake in Haiti, the poorest country in our hemisphere. I asked, "So, this spirit is telling Esther that a 1-year-old Haitian child who is on the verge of starving to death is as happy as a toddler in a loving, wealthy family in La Jolla? That Haitian has the same opportunity?" Louise responded by saying that Abraham, Esther and Jerry say that the child chose that life in this world. That is the journey that the spirit in that child chose, so who are we to get in the way of their journey.

There you have it! I think that concept is a little far-fetched and very unconventional. (Frankly, I think that is the kind of thought that belongs to the kind of person who belongs in some kind of institution…and I don't mean a university or church.) But hell, what do I know? It's time for me to open my eyes and my mind and just read the book. I'm going into it with more of an open mind than this sarcastic writing might lead you to believe because I really want to win this year's Tour de France, and I won't do it using conventional thoughts and methods. "Ask and It is Given," the book says. I'm asking. And I'm telling Abraham to put his spandex shorts on because we should start riding just in case "asking" isn't enough.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

2010 Tour de France Winner!

Up until now, a lot of people–including me–thought Alberto Contador would win the 2010 Tour de France. Others thought Andy Schleck might get lucky–and leverage his stronger team–to beat the weightless Spanish climbing sensation. And those of us who like to believe that old mean really do "rule" were hoping Lance Armstrong would pull a miracle out of his bionic butt to clobber both the skinny Euroboys.

But now the truth is known. I am the winner of the 2010 Tour de France. I have my good friend Louise¹ to thank for this. Just a week or so ago, she gave me the book by Esther and Jerry Hicks called Ask and It is Given / Learning to Manifest Your Desires. Well, without having read the first page, I'm asking. Please, pretty-please, I'd like to win this year's Tour de France. Done!

Of course I'm going to read the book. And (stealing an idea from my friend Lisa²) I will use what I learn from this book for a hearty round of mostly cycling-related diary³ entries. I won't reveal everything I learn. That would be stupid, because if by some chance some other cyclist has the same desires, they could read my tips and also win the 2010 Tour de France. The race officials would get so confused with two winners. They'd have to build a new podium and change so many things. Ugh…how do you say "big inconvenience" in French?

This is going to be great!! Let the reading begin. I'll probably have to train a lot, too. That's OK. I like riding my bike even more than I like reading.



1. The names of some people have been changed to help keep me out of trouble.

2. The names of some other people have not been changed because they aren't the sort of people to give me any trouble.

3. Yes, this is a diary. Nobody reads my blog. A blog without readers is a diary. But someday after I'm dead and gone, someone will discover this on the Internet and turn it into a best-selling book and movie. (Go for it.)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Feeling Good

My doctor won't just come out and say it, but I'm obviously going to die. At best, I only have another 51 years left to live. My brothers and sisters, I intend to live those years like I never have before. Do what you want to in 2010, but I'm going to stop pretending I'm not a superhero. I'm going to shake this little planet till the crust starts flaking off. [Yeaaahhhh... In other words, I feel pretty dang good after just 4 days back on the bike. :)]