Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Practice Winning Today!

I've read the first five chapters of Ask and It is Given and learned that "There is nothing that you cannot be, do, or have." Rather than waiting to put this wisdom into practice [when I win the Tour de France in July], I'm going to win every other hand of poker with my buddies tonight. If I win EVERY hand, they wouldn't let me come back and play again next month, so let's just make it every other hand. Tee hee. Won't they be surprised!!

I've already begun my quest to tap fully into the Source Energy that will allow me "create my own reality" in little ways. Yesterday when I rode my bike up to Carlsbad and back, there were two traffic lights that often turn red when I'm passing through. I kept them green by thinking "Not in my universe! In my universe this light will stay green." I voiced that thought in a powerful Terminator tone and sure enough, the lights stayed green. Well actually, the second light turned yellow and was organgish/red by the time I finished sprinting through the intersection. But what the heck…green enough for my universe. I need practice sprinting anyway.

I just changed the "adult content" option on this blog/diary to "yes," because I'm not always the most patient person. I just might start using some nasty language if Abraham (the Spirit that author Esther Hicks channels) doesn't cut to the chase soon. I'm asking to win the 2010 Tour de France. That's this year, Abe babe. I'm also asking to have my net worth boosted to over one billion dollars. Oh yes, and tonight I would like to win every other hand of poker. Why do I have to read 305 pages to figure out exactly how to ask? And when should I expect my Pro Tour team invitation?

I'm going to use my poker winnings to publish a "self-help" book for people who write self-help books. (I categorize Ask and It is Given as a self-help book.) My book will be one page long, including the forward, introduction, and appendix. It will be called How to Write Self-Help Books Without Including All the Unnecessary Crap and Unrelated Stories. Of course I'm going to have to self-publish this book because no publisher will take it to the shelves for me. They'll say, "People can photocopy your whole book in two seconds!! Why do you think we make all our other published authors make their books so thick? It's so everybody has to buy one. Nobody will take the time to photocopy anything over 200 pages."

Well all righty. Before leaving blogland for the day, I better jot down a couple notes on what I've learned in the first five chapters. If I don't take notes as I read I might screw things up and finish 3rd or 4th in the Tour.

  • In chapter 1, Abraham introduces himself. (What a polite spirit!)
  • In chapter 2, he/it/they say that "most people are feeling unhappy about [their] unfulfilled desires." He doesn't quote his data source. I'm a market research guy. Normally I like to see references to studies when broad claims like that are made. Since he's a Source Energy Spirit thingy, I guess we'll have to give him a special exemption. Personally, I don't let my "unfulfilled desires" put a damper on my happiness from one day to the next. I'm generally pretty happy. In fact, I think getting some of my desires fulfilled could make me a very unhappy guy. I don't think Tiger Woods is happier now that he's had all his desires fulfilled.
  • Chapter 2 also brought the first potential caveat to the cover's "ask and it is given" promise. Abraham says, "…this book is not being written to assist you in getting everything checked off your list, for we understand the impossible nature of that endeavor." Oh, great. Couldn't he have waited a few chapters before showing signs of mortal weakness? Spirits should at least be able to pretend that nothing is impossible. Ugh! I'm already glad I didn't pay for this book.
  • There's great news by the time we get to chapter 3. "You are here to experience outrageous joy. That is why you are here." I like that. When you see me on TV and in the papers–the relatively unknown billionaire standing on the top step of the Tour de France podium this July–you will see the smile of someone who is outrageously joyful.
  • OK, we're getting to the technical stuff in chapter 4. It says that I have not already gotten what I desire because I'm holding myself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of my desire. Having taken some quantum mechanics in engineering school, I have some appreciation of what Abraham might be getting at, but I guess I'll need to keep reading to get some specific help on how to fix my asynchronous vibration problem. He starts with a good simple tip: Resistant thoughts are the only disallowing factors involved. I'm resisting nothing. I may keep my wits about me, and I may not join any cults, but I'm WIDE OPEN to discovering the vibration of my desires.
  • Oops…another potential crack in the foundation. Abraham later says that it is his/their desire that I become happy with "that which I am" and "that which I have." This feels like I'm being set up for a shell game of some sort just so I'll later say, "Wow, look! I actually just asked for what I already have…minus the couple hundred bucks I could spend on an Abraham-Hicks seminar." I was already happy with that which I am, I just don't normally say it in such a retarded fashion. And I'm going to keep taking notes just in case I need to retrace my steps and figure out where in this journey I lost my mind.
  • In chapter 5, Abraham (Why do I feel like just calling him "The Dude?") says that by paying attention to the way we feel, we can fulfill our reason for being here. I'm pretty sure Abraham has never experienced a menstrual period. When a woman feels like killing someone at a certain time every month, Abraham shouldn't share his wisdom in such an irresponsible way. People could get seriously hurt.

I'll now begin today's affirmations: Win every other hand. Win every other hand. Act surprised. Win every other hand.

1 comment:

  1. Umm, if we all just acted on how we felt all the time, I'm pretty sure the world would be even more overpopulated.